Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
