oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
