Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
