I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
