Only a mothe r could love this liver
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
