Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
