It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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