White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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