So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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