Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
