Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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