It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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