are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
