I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
