i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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