So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
