You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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