I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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