mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
