i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
