if you like me you must not know who I am
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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