Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
