You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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