Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am naked and annoyed.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
