Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
