Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
