Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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