So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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