nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
