I just made out with a guy for $7.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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