You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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