it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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