I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
time to smoke my breakfast
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
