so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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