I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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