Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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