This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
