last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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