what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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