Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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