ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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