Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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