I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You ruined the universe
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
