i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
