my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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