What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
