there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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