Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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