i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
