today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
