So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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