Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
