So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize