I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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