I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
