The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
