just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize