dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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