Someone shit on the floor
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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