We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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