Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
