is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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