so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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