what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
