my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
