I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
