im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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