I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize