My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
