God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
