You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
