Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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