we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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